What Am I Doing?

As most of you already know, I have committed to a serious off-season training program this winter. My body is often sore and I made necessary changes to my schedule to accomodate for the extra time required for training. During those endless mind-numbing minutes of pedaling, I do have lots of time for my thoughts to run wild. Recently, one of the things that I think about often is why am I putting myself through this?

Of course there are the obvious answers such as getting stronger, faster, and improving my performance. Putting in the hardwork right now paves the way to achieve my goals in this sport. However, at the same time, I do hear often from non-skating friends and family that it's good to be active but isn't it enough to have fun and enjoy my time on skates? What is there to gain to have my body covered with bruises & road rash and my time eaten up by scrambling on a cardio machine like a hamster? Depending on how good I feel about my skating and training, my answer to those kinds of question differ.

On good days, I would likely say that it is a personal challenge. It is not only about reaching my goal in the eventual future but the satisfaction of inching closer and closer to my goal day after day. It may not be apparent now but I believe that my effort will not go to waste. Since graduating from university, I find that "real life" can often be lacking focus. In school, time is divided into semesters and if I complete such and such courses, I will get my degree. There are obvious goals and clear path/timeline of reaching them. That is one aspect of school which I like. Since being out of school long ago, I have been setting goals and reaching them along the way because that's what keeps my life focused. Skating is simply another expression of this way of living. When it is time to take a tally, I am confident that I have lots to show for my time on earth.

Of course, it's not always lollipops and roses. There are days when I simply cannot justify to myself why I am dragging my feet to yet another two-hour ride at the gym. Am I really making a difference? What I could have done with all those time otherwise? What if, horror of horrors, none of this training actually would make me faster? Worse yet, I am spending my time training when there are actually more important things that I should be doing instead (of course I am completely oblivious to what those important things are). Am I hiding behind the facade of training in order to stall on growing up and facing real responsibilities? Doubts can be a dangerous thing indeed.

Comments

[Cor]

We all have moments like that so don't feel alone. The way I look at it, life is about experiences and challenges. If it were not a challenge, what can you learn from it? Give it your 100%, then you will get 100% out of it, even if it is not what you expected. Friends are family have a funny habit of sabotaging things out of jealousy and their own shortcomings. Don't let that happen.

[Candy]

Hey Cor, thanks for your kind words. I agree that life is about experiences and challenges. However, I have the power to choose which challenges to face and which experiences to gain. I really enjoy skating and training. Through skating, I met great friends and the sense of accomplishment is wonderful. But at the same time, skating is really, hmm, a "self-centered" experience. I do not make a difference in another person's life through skating. It's hard not to question myself if I should be doing more "important" things, you know?

[Cor]

"I do not make a difference in another person's life through skating."

You might be surprised!