I Hope This Is Not A Relapse

Patterns can be down right scary. I have not been feeling good about myself recently at practice and this feeling of negativity is beginning to snowball. The last time I felt in a similar way was back in September before a series of important races and it accumulated into me getting dumped. Of course, being single now, I know that I would not get dumped this time around. However, the very sight of him is giving me all kinds of horrible feeling that something terrible is about to happen. Of course this is an illogical fear but the mind can be a strange little thing sometimes. I must have learned to associate him as a physical representation of rejection, embodiment of the idea that my ailment makes me an unlovable person.

I cannot stand this.

I cannot allow myself to fall into the same trap again yet I do not know what to do. I'm not in a very good place right now.